Parenting ADHD & Autism

about 1 month ago

|

3 min read

☀️ Why "fine at school" doesn't mean fine

POSTSLINKS

I cannot count how many parents I've coached over the years that said,

"Teacher says they are just fine at school, but they're anything but fine at home."

I honestly used to be a little jealous of that Reader. My kid struggled everywhere, both home and school.

I didn't understand at the time that quiet and compliant at school doesn't mean that a child is doing okay. If a child or teen is not their typical self at school, I now see that as a clear signal that they're just trying to survive school, by making themselves small and nearly invisible.

While that seems like a good thing on the surface — that they're able to control their behavior at school — it's not that at all. They've lost control and their nervous system has gone into shutdown mode. Fear is no way to manage behavior (in fact, it's damaging for life).

I sent an email Tuesday with steps to take if you have a shutdown-at-school kid (read it here if you missed it). I also talked about it in detail with Emily King, Ph.D. on the podcast this week.

Click which child or teen you have for specific additional insights (free):

With so much heart,

p.s. — Our Beautifully Complex Town Hall is TODAY, 7:30 PM ET / 4:30 PM PT. Click here to join the meeting a few minutes before we start.

372: The Neurodivergent Learner

with Emily King, Ph.D.

Academic learning is the cherry on top. Before your child can read, write, or do math, they need to feel rested, safe, and connected. Dr. Emily King, licensed psychologist and author of "The Neurodivergent Learner," joins me to talk about why growth in neurodivergent kids happens in waves, not straight lines, and why the fine at school, falling apart at home pattern is a capacity problem, not a parenting one. If you've ever wondered why your kid can do something in one setting and not another, this one will change how you think about it.

Upcoming Events

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I'm hosting an online town hall for our community. It will be a chance to discuss what's working for our kids and families, what's not working, the support you need, the resources you're hoping for, what I'm missing in supporting you better, etc.

My hope is that you'll leave the conversation feeling seen, heard, and understood with a sense of community and a renewed empowerment to make the world a better place for neurodivergent individuals.

FREE ONLINE SUMMIT

Raising Emotionally Healthy Neurodivergent Families Summit

Sept. 1-4, 2026

During this free summit, you'll hear gentle, practical conversations about emotional regulation, neurodivergence, connection, generational healing, and parental well-being.

This is an invitation to feel less alone and discover tools that may help your home feel calmer and more connected.

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From Chaos to Confidence Bundle

Sept. 1-7, 2026

I'm part of the From Chaos to Confidence Bundle, a collection of practical resources and compassionate support created to help parents better understand their kids and feel more confident along the way.

Inside, you'll find resources from experts covering everything from neurodivergence and emotional regulation to communication, school support, parenting, and more.

ONLINE PROGRAM FOR PARENTS

School Steadiness Blueprint

Next Cohort Starts Sept. 15, 2026

What if the sinking grades and the meltdowns/shutdowns are actually the same problem?

SSB is a 6-week live program built around one core fact: when a kid's nervous system feels safe, they have more access to their thinking brain, which means better grades, less dysregulation, and a kid who can move through hard moments instead of getting stuck in them.

Parenting Quick Tip

Whenever you're ready, here are 3 ways I can help you trade escalation for regulation...

1️⃣ Use my free Behavior Decoder Tool​

2️⃣ Get personal parenting support through coaching​

3️⃣ Listen to more of the Beautifully Complex Podcast​

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Beautifully Complex

I help parents and teachers of neurodivergent kids trade escalation for regulation using my SIGNAL Parenting™ framework. Award-winning author of Boy Without Instructions and host of the Beautifully Complex Podcast. My core belief: behavior isn't the problem, it's the signal.

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