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Have you ever been glad that your child was socially naïve? It's a dichotomy of sadness that other kids are trying to blow them off, and deep relief that they're blissfully unaware.
When I think back to a time when I witnessed this often with my own kid, I still feel the sadness in my bones. So many times in middle school, my son would be trying to make plans with a peer and they'd just keep tossing out new excuses hoping he'd finally take the hint... which wasn't even on his radar.
Or, on the flip side, he'd come in the door from carpool raging mad, claiming his friends were no longer friends because they were bullying him, when they were actually teasing in "fun."
The delays in social skills often start showing up like a blinking neon sign in middle school. There's so many non-verbal cues and a whole new world of nuance that our neurodivergent kids are completely lost if not prepared.
This is exactly what Dr. Kim Pinckney and I discuss in this week's episode of Beautifully Complex. Did you know referring to everyone as "friend" in kindness is actually problematic? Listen in as Kim explains why. You'll have a whole new perspective after.
With so much heart,
p.s. — Our Beautifully Complex Town Hall is next week. If you're planning to join us, reply and let me know.
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371: How Honesty (Not Reassurance) Is What Gets Your Kid Through Middle School
with Kim Pinckney, Ph.D.
One day my son was eye level with me. The next, he wasn't, and neither was his sense of who his friends actually were.
Middle school sneaks up, but the buildup starts long before we notice. This week I'm talking with Dr. Kim Pinckney about the early signs, the word "friend" that quietly confuses our kids, and why honesty (not reassurance) is what actually gets them through it.
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Upcoming Events
TOWN HALL
Beautifully Complex Town Hall
August 27 at 7:30 pm ET | 4:30 pm PT
I'm hosting an online town hall for our community. It will be a chance to discuss what's working for our kids and families, what's not working, the support you need, the resources you're hoping for, what I'm missing in supporting you better, etc.
My hope is that you'll leave the conversation feeling seen, heard, and understood with a sense of community and a renewed empowerment to make the world a better place for neurodivergent individuals.
👇 Use one of the buttons below to add the Town Hall to your calendar (including the zoom link).
FREE ONLINE SUMMIT
Raising Emotionally Healthy Neurodivergent Families Summit
Sept. 1-4, 2026
You may be carrying more than anyone around you realizes.
Your child’s emotions. Your own reactions. The appointments, research, routines, sensory needs, and constant decisions. And beneath all of it, the quiet hope that your child feels safe, understood, and loved.
During this free summit, you'll hear gentle, practical conversations about emotional regulation, neurodivergence, connection, generational healing, and parental well-being.
This is not another demand to do more. It is an invitation to feel less alone and discover tools that may help your home feel calmer and more connected.
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Parenting Quick Tip
Let the Day Be Uncertain
Kids can tell when a promise doesn’t match reality, and false reassurance can feel like pressure instead of comfort. Being honest about what’s actually in your control builds trust, and shows your child that your support isn’t conditional on the day going well.
Instead of promising your child a great day, let them know you’ll be there for them no matter what kind of day it turns out to be. Here's how:
- Notice your own urge to promise a good outcome you can’t actually control.
- Try language like, “I hope it’s a great day, and whatever it is, I’m here when you get home.”
- When they get home, hold space for whatever the day actually was, without rushing to fix it or talk them out of it.
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Need more guidance?
I've got you! Whether you're raising or educating neurodivergent kids, teens, or young adults, I can provide some relief and a path to success. Here's how:
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SUPPORT THE MISSION
This newsletter and podcast are free and reader-supported. If something here has helped you understand your child a little better or made a hard moment feel more manageable, you can help keep this work going by supporting it here. |
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