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My partner isn't on board with any of this... what can I do?
I'm not alone in saying that one of the hardest parts of parenting a neurodivergent child is not always the appointments or the meltdowns or the school meetings. It is doing all of that while feeling like your co-parent is not quite with you.
Maybe they don't see what you see. Maybe they push back on things that feel obvious, urgent, and necessary to you. Maybe you've just quietly become the default parent, and somewhere along the way the weight stopped feeling shared. 🙋🏻♀️
In this week's episode of Beautifully Complex, I sat down with Martina Nova, a registered clinical counselor, co-parent, and author of Same Page Parenting. We got into all of it. Why co-parents end up so far apart. What is really underneath the big disagreements. How the invisible mental load builds without anyone planning it. And what one first step can actually start to shift things.
Whether you're co-parenting together or separately, this episode is honest and warm and full of things I wish someone had told me earlier.
With so much heart,
p.s. — My friend and colleague, Amy Lang, with Birds & Bees & Kids, is gathering information from parents and professionals about sexuality, consent, puberty, relationships, and neurodivergent kids. If this applies to you or the families you support, you can take the survey here.
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361: Getting on the Same Page with Your Co-Parent
with Martina Nova, MCP, RCC
Parenting a neurodivergent kid is demanding enough. Add a co-parent with a completely different approach and upbringing, and the friction can feel relentless.
In this episode, I sit down with Martina Nova, author of Same Page Parenting. We explore what actually drives those differences, and it goes way deeper than personality. We talk about the invisible mental load, why one parent quietly becomes the default without anyone choosing it, and how to have the conversations that get underneath the conflict, especially when disagreements are really about fear, grief, or identity.
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I'm over on The OT Is In Podcast
Initiation and Follow Through: When Knowing What to Do Isn't Enough
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Parenting Quick Tip
Co-Parenting Transparency: Make the Invisible Load Visible
Map out what you are each actually tracking and doing so the invisible becomes impossible to ignore.
Step 1: Each of you separately writes down everything you are mentally tracking, coordinating, or deciding for your child and household on a given week, including appointments, school communication, therapy logistics, medication management, emotional monitoring, research, and daily routines.
Step 2: Put the lists next to each other without judgment or commentary. Just look at what is there. Notice items that are on one list and not the other.
Step 3: Together, choose one item from the longer list. Decide that the other parent is going to fully own it, not help, not assist, but be completely in charge of it from here forward.
Research on the invisible mental load shows that imbalance often persists because the load is never named out loud. Once it becomes visible, couples can negotiate from a shared reality instead of a felt resentment. Shifting to ownership rather than assistance is the key, because assisting still keeps one person as the project manager.
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Upcoming Events
OPEN HOUSE
SIGNAL Parenting™ Virtual Open House
June 4th at 6 PM ET (NYC) / 3 PM PT (LA)
I'm hosting a free live open house for anyone who's been curious about SIGNAL Parenting™ but wants to see inside before applying.
This isn't a webinar with a sales pitch at the end. It's me, showing you exactly what the 8 weeks look like from the inside — the framework, the coaching sessions, what cohort 1 families actually experienced. Plus, I'm answering every question you have in real time.
Come if you're seriously considering applying. Come if you're on the fence. Come if you just want to understand what nervous-system-first parenting actually looks like in practice.
NEW PROGRAM COHORT
SIGNAL Parenting™ Program
June 9 - July 30, 2026 (Applications open through June 8!)
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“I’m starting to actually see what’s happening instead of just reacting to it." — Cohort 1 Parent in Week 2
“I completely see now that my anxiety and need for control has been escalating him. I can see it. That’s new.” — Cohort 1 Parent in Week 4
The SIGNAL Parenting™ Program is a live, science-backed coaching experience for parents of neurodivergent kids (ages 5-25). In 8 weeks, you'll learn to decode what's really driving your child's most challenging behavior and respond in ways that help them feel safe enough to get things done and thrive.
Built on the SIGNAL Framework™ — a nervous-system-first approach that works with how your child is wired, not against it — this isn't about controlling behavior. It's about creating the conditions where better behavior and better relationships become possible.
Applications for the next cohort are open now. It takes <5 minutes. Spots are limited.
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Need more help?
I've got you! Whether you're raising or educating neurodivergent kids, teens, or young adults, I can provide some relief and a path to success. Here's how:
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SUPPORT THE MISSION
This newsletter and podcast are free and reader-supported.
If something here has helped you understand your child a little better or made a hard moment feel more manageable, you can help keep this work going by supporting it here. Even a few dollars a month makes a difference.
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