Tell me Reader, have you ever asked your kid how their day was after school with nothing but loving kindness only to be gut-punched by a terse, "I'm not talking about it?" Or the quieter but no less painful turning away in silence?

We tell ourselves that something must have gone wrong during the day, or that they don't love or respect us.

The Truth It's rarely about one moment. It's the whole day catching up at once and no capacity left for family and home.

​
Your kid's nervous system likely needs to recover before they answer questions or meet demands. Which is why asking, "how was school?" at pickup can be the worst-timed question, even for a kid who genuinely wants to share.

If this happens to you, park the debrief for later and go all-in on connection. Here's what that might look like:

1. Leverage their interests. Sometimes you can start a conversation around something they're into, but sometimes that's even too much. If talking at all is a no-go, get creative in how you can tap into their interests in that moment. In my family, I asked my son to play some music for me — maybe something he recently discovered or a song that's really speaking to him lately. That almost always broke the tension and settled his nervous system. If your kid is a big reader, maybe it's a stop at the library on the way home.
2. Give their body something to do before you ask their brain anything. Movement can be calming for a depleted nervous system — carrying something, pushing something, a fast walk to release energy. Something like: “Can you help me carry these groceries in?” or “I'll race you to the mailbox” does more to settle a kid than any question could, because it works on the body directly instead of asking words to do the job first.
3. Sit nearby without asking for anything. Sometimes proximity is the whole intervention, no conversation required. Climb onto the couch next to them, sit on the floor of their room. The message isn’t “tell me what’s wrong,” it’s just “I’m here,” which may be all that can land in that moment.
4. Food before words. A snack, handed over with zero conversation attached, is a form of check-in. Food first, talk later (if at all) — it’s a small thing that says “I’ve got you,” without requiring conversation to get it.

Reply and tell me what one thing you're going to try next time before getting into how your kid's day was?

With so much heart,

p.s. — I'm doing a little myth-busting via email this week. If you missed the first myth — The Quiet Myth — you can read it here.

​Unsubscribe | Update your profile | P.O. Box 962, Candler, NC 28715