Parenting ADHD & Autism

about 17 hours ago

|

3 min read

☀️ What to Do When You're the Dysregulated One

POSTSLINKS

Raise your hand if you've yelled at your kid.

✋

I sure have. I imagine we all have.

When we, the adult, are the dysregulated one, our nervous system has taken charge and we aren't always in control of our behavior... just like our kids.

And yet, they need us to be settled and steady to de-escalate. We want to co-regulate, we don't want to co-escalate.

Regulated Adult = Co-regulation​
Dysregulated Adult = Co-escalation

I'm not going to sugar-coat it: being regulated more often than not takes a lot of mindful awareness, a lot of practice, and a lot of time. Especially if you're starting with a highly reactive nervous system yourself.

In this week's podcast episode, I'm sharing my journey out of reactivity, strategies to manage the times you're the dysregulated one, and steps to offering co-regulation more often than not. We also work on this a great deal together in the SIGNAL Parenting™ Program (registration is open for the next cohort, starting Nov. 15).

With so much heart,

p.s. — Reply and let me know how your dysregulation shows up most often.

380: When You're the Dysregulated One

with Penny Williams

Sometimes the most dysregulated person in the room is you, and that doesn't make you a bad parent. This week I'm sharing my own story as a recovering yeller, why stressed nervous systems escalate each other, and how to breathe, step back, and repair without shame. Your nervous system and wellbeing matter too.

PARENTING QUICK TIP

This activity is designed for your kid's regulation, but doing it with them means you get to regulate too. Or, let your inner child out and be a stomping dinosaur on your own. 😃 What did you notice in you and/or your kid after?

Upcoming RESOURCES

FREE PARENT SUMMIT

School Support that Sticks Summit

Oct. 26-29

This summit, hosted by the amazing Scotti Weintraub, brings together more than 25 experts who understand what families are going through and can help you find a better way forward.

This free 4-day online event is the place to learn how to get the right support in place for your child at school in ways that actually last.

Every single day is packed with expert presentations, practical tools, and parent-focused strategies to help you turn overwhelm into action.

FREE EDUCATOR TRAINING

Neuroeducation Symposium

Nov. 14-16

What if your child’s teachers understood how their brain actually learns?

I’ve gathered 29 experts in educational neuroscience for three days of training on how kids learn, remember, and regulate, and what helps when school gets hard. It’s built for educators, but it’s just as valuable for parents and homeschoolers.

Watch free, or get early bird pricing on the Individual Pass ($77 through Nov. 4) for lifetime access. You can also gift a pass to your child’s teacher. 🎁

COACHING PROGRAM

SIGNAL Parenting™ Program

Nov. 15 - Jan.14

If you know why the meltdowns or shutdowns happen but still feel lost when you’re in the middle of one, it's not you're fault. Knowing and doing are two very different things, especially when you’re running on empty and dysregulated yourself.

SIGNAL Parenting™ is an 8-week, science-backed coaching experience for parents of neurodivergent kids. It’s built on the SIGNAL Framework™, a nervous-system-first approach (the opposite of rewards and consequences) that walks you through how to respond when your child is struggling. You’ll learn to help your child feel safe, seen, and supported, and how to stay steadier yourself.

Each Sunday a short lesson (30–45 minutes) is released. On Thursdays we meet live to work through it together, so there’s very little homework. It’s $497 USD, payment plans are available, and the group is limited to 25 families.

When kids feel good, they’re able to do good. Parents too!

Registration closes November 13 at 12pm ET.

Whenever you're ready, here are 3 ways I can help you trade escalation for regulation...

1️⃣ Use my free Behavior Decoder Tool​

2️⃣ Get personal parenting support through coaching​

3️⃣ Listen to more of the Beautifully Complex Podcast​

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This newsletter and podcast are free and reader-supported. If something here has helped you understand your child a little better or made a hard moment feel more manageable, you can help keep this work going by supporting it here.

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Beautifully Complex

I help parents and teachers of neurodivergent kids trade escalation for regulation using my SIGNAL Parenting™ framework. Award-winning author of Boy Without Instructions and host of the Beautifully Complex Podcast. My core belief: behavior isn't the problem, it's the signal.

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