I have the most adorable pic of my son getting toys from a bin in his bedroom when he was 5 or 6. I had just built an intricate toy organization system that made my nervous system super happy. It was a dozen or so bins in a stack of cubbies, each with a lid and a label. His toys were sorted to perfection.
I was so proud of myself that I blogged about it, including step-by-step instructions for parents to replicate it for their kids.
But the truth is, a few weeks later most of the bins were empty and all the toys were back on the floor.
I continued to push him to clean up and use the system because I thought it was a motivation issue, not yet realizing he's neurodivergent, and not even hearing the term executive function skills for the first time yet.
I did the best I knew how to do at the time, but looking back I can clearly see why my system didn't work. Hint: it was MY system.
In this week's episode of Beautifully Complex, I talk with autistic adult, Angela Kingdon, about how wildly different systems can be from person to person and how to work with your child to create systems that will be successful for them (even if we can't wrap our brains around how).
With so much heart,
p.s. — Back-to-School Prep Week is back, and registration is open. Want this school year to be different? You need more than wishful thinking and a prayer. In real time, Prep Week walks you through the preparations that will change this school year. Learn more >>>
367: Systems that Work with the Brain
with Angela Kingdon, Ph.D.
In this episode, I talk with Autistic Culture Podcast Network founder, Angela Kingdon, about what it really means to build systems that work with the individual’s brain instead of against it, and why that is so much bigger than color coded bins and a label maker. We get into the part every parent needs to hear: what happens when the systems we build for our kids turn out to be our systems, dressed up as help.
Angela shares the moment she realized her son's messy piles of clothes were a system she simply had not respected, and how a shift she calls sun parenting to moon parenting changed the way she saw his choices. We talk about the word system itself, and why sometimes the fastest way to get your kid on board is to never call it that.
This is a conversation about control, about grief, and about the relief that comes when you finally understand the goal was never to get your kid to do things your way. It was to help them find their own.
Back-to-school doesn't just require a focus on supplies and schedules. It takes strategy. For our kids, "starting school" also means surviving it with your peace and your relationship intact.
If last school year was full of chaotic mornings, dreaded calls, and meltdowns or shutdowns you couldn't see coming, that's not a sign you're doing it wrong. It's a sign you need a plan built for your specific kid, not a generic one.
That's what Prep Week is — five days, done with you, building the regulation toolkit, the teacher support summary, and the routines that actually stick. Live or at your own pace, replays are yours to keep.
Here's what Miranda said after last year's Prep Week:
"Each session was so practical, and I appreciated that we could work along with you and come out of the sessions with ready-to-go materials."
Start of last school year: held together by caffeine and hope. Start of this school year: a plan built for your kid that delivers a smoother transition, easier mornings and bedtimes, homework with fewer tears, and teacher support from the very start.
I've got you! Whether you're raising or educating neurodivergent kids, teens, or young adults, I can provide some relief and a path to success. Here's how:
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I help parents and teachers of neurodivergent kids trade escalation for regulation using my SIGNAL Parenting™ framework. Award-winning author of Boy Without Instructions and host of the Beautifully Complex Podcast. My core belief: behavior isn't the problem, it's the signal.