I learned something really profound watching a clip from The Wisdom of Trauma and I've been coming back to it again and again all week:
The Chinese symbol for listen includes both ear and heart.
It's easy to hear the words and respond to their literal value. It's more difficult to listen with your heart, especially when you're dysregulated and things just need to get done.
And yet, the heart, the emotion, the empathy, are the key factors we overlook. We try to smash through the blockade hurling words with ever-deeper urgency... and it just does NOT work.
It's not our fault. It's just biology.
But, what we miss when we don't tune in for more and tune in with our heart, is what's beneath the surface and internal. Seeing behavior as communication is listening with both the ears and the heart. It's a simple concept, but it certainly isn't easy.
It isn't easy because it takes time, mindfulness, and emotion. It requires vulnerability. It requires connection.
And, it's 110 percent worth it!
This week I have Brendan Mahan back on the podcast to discuss Overcoming the Wall of Awful. And, guess what? It requires going deeper. Brendan's framework and the way he explains that invisible wall and how to help your kid conquer it is so very wise and very useful. I hope you'll listen in.
With so much heart,
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373: Overcoming the Wall of Awful
with Brendan Mahan, M.Ed.
Your child isn't avoiding that task because they're lazy or defiant. They're standing in front of an invisible wall built from every past failure and hard feeling stacked on top of each other. This week I'm talking with Brendan Mahan, creator of the Wall of Awful framework, about why smashing through overwhelm isn't the only option, and what actually helps our kids get to the other side.
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Parenting Quick Tip
Naming the Wall of Awful
Brendan Mahan calls the invisible emotional barrier that often gets in the way for neurodivergent kids “The Wall of Awful.” Instead of pushing your kid to "just start,” try naming what you're noticing first.
- Say something like, "It seems like you've got a wall of awful for this one."
- Ask what part feels hardest, all of it or just a piece.
- Let them answer before you offer any solution.
Naming the emotional barrier makes your child feel seen instead of accused, and shifts the moment from a fight about compliance into a conversation about what's actually happening in their nervous system.
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