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Like many women my age, I've been struggling with body image since middle school. I've always felt that I need to be thinner. I look back at a picture of 16-year-old-me in a literally yellow polka dot bikini and I want to scold her for being so ridiculously hard on herself.
Never being able to accept my body for what it is (a skill I need now more than ever in my menopausal years), was a product of the culture that existed during my teen years: the "heroin chic" period of the early 1990's where every magazine cover model was impossibly thin and you stood in the checkout line at the grocery with your mom, surround by dozens of those magazines and wished upon wish that you could look like one of those models.
I still struggle with my body image. During my session, my therapist sort of scolded me for being too hard on myself.
But, what's worse, is that I've said many of those negative things about my body and my appearance out loud, in front of my daughter. And now I hear her saying them about herself. It's a heartbreaking, guilt-laden place to be. And now that I know better, I'm working on doing better.
I share all of this with you today because I'd love to build awareness for other girl moms while their girls are still young. And I have Erin Washington, founder of the Blue Butterfly Foundation, on the podcast this week to talk about how to help our girls build a better self-image and reject comparison culture. We also talk about the importance of representation. I hope you'll listen ⬇️ .
With so much heart,
p.s. — Thanks to everyone who completed the survey on your needs so far. If you haven't and can spare a few minutes, I'd love for you to share what's working, what's not, and what you wish existed through the short survey here.
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378: Body Image, Comparison and Self-Image in Girls
with Erin Washington
I put a lot of my own body image struggle onto my daughter without ever meaning to, and I didn't catch it until it had already stuck. This week, Erin Washington, who spent two decades hiding an eating disorder behind straight A's and a soccer scholarship, helps us see how much of what we model, not what we say, our kids actually absorb. We talk about the mirror comments and pre-event diets that quietly land on a watching child, why physical compliments can teach our girls that beauty is their most important trait, and simple language that helps your daughter feel more at home in her own skin.
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PARENTING QUICK TIP
Swap Physical Compliments for Character Compliments
Next time you want to tell your daughter she's beautiful, tell her she's strong, capable, or kind instead.
First, notice how often "beautiful" or "pretty" shows up in what you say to your kid. Second, pick one character trait you actually see in them, like determination or kindness, and name it instead. Third, keep doing it consistently, especially on the days they're not feeling their best.
When a child's sense of worth is tied to appearance, it collapses the moment they don't feel attractive, tying praise to character gives them something steadier to stand on.
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Upcoming Events
PAID WORKSHOP
When Regulation Tools Don't Work: How to Build a Toolbox That Actually Fits
Oct. 22, 2026 9:30 AM PT / 12:30 PM ET
Elizabeth Sautter and Leah Kuypers are teaming up to answer one question: what do you do when your regulation tools stop working? You'll walk away with a toolbox that actually fits your kid, not a generic one-size-fits-all list.
The workshop is live on Zoom and lasts about 90 minutes. Your ticket includes the Emotional Regulation Starter Kit.
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